Oprah

Ah, Oprah.  For a while now that the show has been off the air it's been pretty easy to think back and go - ah, I'm actually the better for not having that show as so often there were such haunting stories of awfulness that only sometimes had redemption at the end - or even if they did it was the redemption of someone holding on for dear life to their last hope of sanity and life after suffering loss and betrayal and tragedy.  Just as difficult were getting thru the fluffy shows that you just knew she didn't want to do but was forced to be the abc spokeswoman for the fall line up.

But finally watching some of her network reminded of why I started watching Oprah in the first place.  It was because I was a milking cow to my firstborn and my brain was slowly turning into absolute horrified mush.  Watching Oprah was like having some sort of group discussion with a bunch of other people.  I didn't always agree with them, but it forced me to exercise that little used function of my brain NOT associated directly with baby's every whim.  I had things to think about and even discuss whether or not I liked the way Oprah talked about it.

Her lifeclass series I have shied away from because the name itself seems a bit... pretentious.  Sorry, Oprah.  But I'm back in and already keep deleting sentences from here that sound too much like a commercial for it.  Like "it seems like the sort of format she has wanted for a long time."

Anyway.  A few episodes I've watched have all got me to look at my perspective.  I have always seen myself as someone good at perspective.  I'm not like you sweet people who have to clean the kitchen in order to concentrate - oh no, I can see the big picture.  Ha.  Not so much right at the moment.

We are in such a good place right now, that I have realized that I am still in the habit of focusing - or trying to focus- on what problems might be happening.  Problem tunnel vision.  A few months ago this was vital normal life.  I had to have a finger on the pulse of the house situation.  Now, I don't really think that getting my closet organized should overshadow enjoying who I married or the kids that we love.  Nope! Don't even try to get cranky at me that I'm just trying to avoid organizing my closet by spouting lessons on life.  I am still very committed to having a household that is not organizational chaos.  That has a rhythm to it and all that.

But focusing on the minutia can take a back seat for awhile every day so that I can remember that I really really like the people that I am surrounded by.  And I really really don't want to go to sleep every night with my mind full only all the things I didn't accomplish or need to.  Instead, a bit of breathing and awe of my blessings.  Check.