Dad

The boys are sick this week.  And as I sat there on the floor of the bathroom with Jack as he pleaded with me "Please, I don't want to throw up, Please, I thought I was feeling better."  And then moments later, when he knew it was time, he turned and hurled into the toilet instead of me or the floor.

Abby took longer with that, but she is so brave too.  It's not like most of us enjoy throwing up, but as we all grow to realize, USUALLY it means we'll feel better- at least for a little while.  It makes me remember the last time Abby threw up. I blogged about it then too because it struck me as so sweet, so brave.  She threw up, then, delighted and relieved told me, "I didn't want to, but I prayed I would because I knew I'd feel better and God answered my prayer!"  (or something like that).

The kids are so brave, and whilst I give these kids my heart and soul, they get their bravery from their dad.  Steve carries himself with a strength that I know the kids just naturally are going to pick up and hopefully recognize in others as a good person to hang around.

I know that our family space is what our normal is.  So me telling Steve he needs to be more effusive in order for the kids to feel his love is just plain wrong.  The kids are HIS kids.  They feel from him, their dad, in a way no one else can or would.  I mean, he's pretty effusive as manly men go.  And VERY cuddly... of course he's usually cuddling the kids in a way that immediately turns into a strangle hold that they have to wrestle out of...

It's just that IIII know how much he loves his kids, but I see so many grown kids running around accusing their dads of not being open enough about their pride or love, that I just want to DOCUMENT it somewhere:

HEY, KIDS! Your dad loves you a ridiculous amount.  When we were away in England he admitted he didn't want to hear any of the news from home.  Because he'd miss you too much if he saw pictures or heard stories.  How cute is that?  I didn't even miss you that much ;) ;)

Lucky

The longer Steve and I are married, the more often we look at each other and say some form of, "Wow, were we lucky."  Not in a cheesy sweet way, but because looking back we were total idiots in love - i.e. the things we THOUGHT we should look for, we knew maybe in theory, but any sort of real concept? None.  Sure, there's that God factor to fall back on.  But we know a lot of good God-fearing people that chose very ... short-sightedly.  Not because they were short sighted specifically but because we all are.  We can try to look around corners, but just on a very simple basic level, we can only try.  The longer we are together, the more we realize we could have screwed everything up so very easily.  And the more thankful I get (Steve doesn't think like this) that God chose to bless our instinct vs. use it to show us and the world how short sighted us humans are.

"Momma"

Abby has been playing a lot of "Momma" to Jack and Finn recently.  She is either a golden retriever named "Goldie" and they are her puppies or she is a white horse named "Sparkle" and they are her baby ponies.

What I find funny about this is not only the fake whining and crying for "Momma's" attention but the fact that she keeps them by far more happy and entertained as fake momma than I do as real Momma!

Pitter Patter of Little Feet

Oh My Gosh.  Some tv show or commercial said something about the pitter patter of little feet in some pat line and my heart dropped to my stomach.  I HAVE absolutely basked in the funny cuteness of listening to those kids run across the floor.  The uneven rhythm, the dangerous tilt, the indescribable excitement as they are on their way... SOMEWHERE.  But I've never put together that with the yearning for the pitter patter of little feet.  Look, I don't want any more kids, but wow, I forgot to realize that the pitter patter is going away.  Finn right now is on the edge.  He still has some patter left.  He is SO funny and so destructive when he runs.  And that grin.  My heart skips a beat as he runs for his life from Daddy.  He is so so so cute.  Abby leaps around.  Jack just flat out runs.  Finny Finn Finn is my last pitter patter.  I guess he's a good one to go out on.

Art Girl

Abby has conquered her fears.  She even has a certificate to prove it.  Fran asked her what finally made her do it and she said she was just sick of it.  She said she pulled up an imaginary trash can and threw it all in.

Reboot

Well, now I finally understand why computers like to be rebooted.

I just do not transition on my own unless kickstarted.  By a retreat, not by constant lack of sleep.

Soooo... ENGLAND!!! (insert Shakespere speech here)

Since the kids did not join us, the only difficult thing about the trip was leaving the kids.   Jack missed us the most right from the beginning, but Gramma just kept on keeping on and they all moved in and out of missing us throughout the week.  We left a couple videos - in particular we read the boys bedtime book via video on our first morning in Salisbury, which I hear was a hit.

I started texting them every night messages that were low on sentiment and high on silly.  Abby lost ANOTHER tooth while we were gone.

Homecoming is always the best however and Finn was SOOOOO cute - he grinned from ear to ear and  bent over because he was so excited.

We were forewarned by some parents that had JUST made a trip like ours and by the nursery school teachers that the kids would be totally fine while we were gone but that we would be punished dearly by them in neediness and general reaction from the whole thing.

BUT NO consequences.  If anything they are easier to keep in routine because Gramma's house has a better meal routine than Mommy's house.  I think that Gramma & Gramma's house are such second home/mommy that they were more comfortable than I could have ever prayed for away from us.

Gramma also took Ryley for one night while we were way.  Yes, Gramma deserves wings... and medals and sainthood.  But apparently all went quite well except for the whole concept of CERTAIN kids staying quiet while certain babies were being put down to bed.  I think we need to build a soundproof panic room into the regular playroom at Gramma's house.

But more on the reboot.  I think... not going to commit totally to this, but I think that when something is hard, I get it in my head that it is going to take massive effort to change it, and therefore the stress of the change triples.  But when I reboot the extenuating stress gets cleared out and I just come home and go "Oh, I don't like how we're doing this - let's change it."  End.  Print.  Roll credits.

SO more on England... soon.

Peace

I am off to England tomorrow.  My regular brain is very very excited.  My mommy brain is at peace.  I've been doing a lot of cuddling with the kids.  Long, non-hurried cuddling.  A lot of laughing.  It's what I want them to hold on to whenever I'm not around.  Hopefully just for the trip, not forever. ;)  Dear God, please bless us with safety and ease traveling and let them be warm and safe here, surrounded in love and fun and everyday life.  Be with my mom and everyone helping out, let the time fly by for them.  In your most Holy name.  Amen.