Thursday, October 31, 2013
The Abby Problem
I am realizing slowly - in tidbits - not all at once - that I have a tendency to use Abby. I have always been proud that I am not "one of those mothers" who want their child to be a cheerleader or a virtuoso or popular in a way in which I can live through her in any selfish/negative way. Generally I want my kids to find their own passions and drive in life... as much as is possible and I'll certainly give pushes where I think they need it. But not because I want it. Believe me I would much rather they all stay closeted up in my house for as long as possible - both because then I don't have to drive them around and also it's just a little like being pregnant - at least in my house I have some illusion of control over their general safety.
No, how I'm realizing I'm using Abby is as a sacrificial... something. Honestly, I haven't totally figured it out. But we haven't yet gotten to the point that she will pout inconsolably if she doesn't get what she wants. She has this amazing, truly awe inspiring ability to power thru disappointment (cue my guilty inner voice "probably because she's so used to the feeling *insert rim shot here*).
I guess as I'm writing myself thru this I am thinking that I am taking credit for something and in fact assigning blame to myself for something that may just be simply a very beautiful character trait that she has.
I expect her to power thru her disappointment. That's true. But I also know that someday - someday very soon - that won't be nearly as easy as it might be right now. I appreciate it while it lasts. And I'll do my best to recognize that she's getting to that age where she simply can't be lumped in with the young brothers and cousins at things such as.... oh I dunno - Halloween.
She doesn't yet really know what she's missing - hasn't had a huge mega trick or treating experience. So right now, I think I can dare to say that she's not too disappointed with doing it the young way. Her feet were starting to hurt, she got candy, we have plenty of extra candy, she got to hang out with some family (feeding that extrovert part of her). And it was an odd year to be sure - usually Daddy takes her out special and he couldn't do that this year.
I still think I have to watch myself - make sure I'm not expecting her to choke her emotions off simply because they aren't the most socially acceptable right at that moment. That's what I think I started this post about. The idea that I sometimes want her not to be heard or seen simply because it would satisfy an agenda I'm about at that moment. Ridiculous. Awful. And totally like hiding a light under a basket - or whatever that Biblical reference is.
Okay, guilt assuaged, pride growing, expectations nil. Tomorrow is tomorrow. Today she was the best big sister ever on the planet and, as per usual, a beautiful person.
No, how I'm realizing I'm using Abby is as a sacrificial... something. Honestly, I haven't totally figured it out. But we haven't yet gotten to the point that she will pout inconsolably if she doesn't get what she wants. She has this amazing, truly awe inspiring ability to power thru disappointment (cue my guilty inner voice "probably because she's so used to the feeling *insert rim shot here*).
I guess as I'm writing myself thru this I am thinking that I am taking credit for something and in fact assigning blame to myself for something that may just be simply a very beautiful character trait that she has.
I expect her to power thru her disappointment. That's true. But I also know that someday - someday very soon - that won't be nearly as easy as it might be right now. I appreciate it while it lasts. And I'll do my best to recognize that she's getting to that age where she simply can't be lumped in with the young brothers and cousins at things such as.... oh I dunno - Halloween. She doesn't yet really know what she's missing - hasn't had a huge mega trick or treating experience. So right now, I think I can dare to say that she's not too disappointed with doing it the young way. Her feet were starting to hurt, she got candy, we have plenty of extra candy, she got to hang out with some family (feeding that extrovert part of her). And it was an odd year to be sure - usually Daddy takes her out special and he couldn't do that this year.
I still think I have to watch myself - make sure I'm not expecting her to choke her emotions off simply because they aren't the most socially acceptable right at that moment. That's what I think I started this post about. The idea that I sometimes want her not to be heard or seen simply because it would satisfy an agenda I'm about at that moment. Ridiculous. Awful. And totally like hiding a light under a basket - or whatever that Biblical reference is.
Okay, guilt assuaged, pride growing, expectations nil. Tomorrow is tomorrow. Today she was the best big sister ever on the planet and, as per usual, a beautiful person.
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