Scrapbooking and Life...

There is an oxymoron in my emotional life I have discovered thru scrapbooking.

I scrapbook basically once every 6 months and I scrapbook about 6 months at a time with the goal always to be caught up but usually I end up about 3 months behind.  Anyway, that's not important right now (Airplane movie anyone?).

Every so often there will be a major gap in my family documenting.  There are only so many reasons this can occur considering that I basically take pictures in substitute for emoting.  Here are the reasons.

1. It is an event I feel it is unsafe or unwieldy or generally uncouth to bring the big camera to.  Pool party - friend's house where it's not REALLY quite a big enough event to warrant the camera...  Or actually quite a few big events - Christmas, Thanksgiving - it is too distracting and too much of a barrier between you and real people to bring the big camera to.  This is the theme - oxymorons.  So first reason I don't have good photos?  The event is either too big or too small.

2. I'm unhappy. Even though I take photos for myself more than any other reason - it still takes a bit from me to do it.  So if I have nothing to give, I don't bother.  This is when even the iphone is used sparingly and artistically only.  How does that work into my oxymoron theme?  Because sometimes I am unhappy and I use the camera as a barrier so I don't have to interact with people.  Oddly enough, I connect with people sometimes better this way than traditionally - look at that - two oxymorons in one point.

3. I'm happy.  If I'm truly content... Okay this just isn't true.  I was going to say there are times - events even in which I don't miss the camera.  I do miss the pictures afterwards, but I don't want to be taking pictures because I'm enjoying whatever is going on.  But really.. .if I know nothing is being documented the way I want it documented I'm never truly content.  I'm okay.  But it's not like I'm happy about it.

4. I love someone AND I'm unhappy.  Jack didn't want pictures at his birthday last year.  Not even a little bit.  He wanted, sweetly enough, me to be participating, to be present and to love him not thru the lens.  Yes, I will do this.  And, believe it or not, I often do.  WITH a little cheating.  I know that even if he and Steve never appreciate it - his wife or kids or grandkids will someday appreciate it.  However, this last year, in the midst of house escrow stress I was also unhappy.  So there you have it.  Second of Jack's four birthdays undocumented.

Anyway, while I was doing my six month scrapbooking catchup this weekend I noticed just how many big huge events I barely covered.  Or covered subpar 2012 holiday season.  And all the reasons above apply as to why.  But the gist of it was - I was depressed and depleted.   Which often happens during the holidays I suppose but this time it was the house situation and the Sandy Hook shooting that took it out of me.

But no matter what, because I do still care about my little family and documenting our little family I'll try to keep in mind the idea that I want to take iphone pics if nothing else of just... at least one distinctive picture for an important event.  And in the hunt for that I will probably get more.  That's my story (and I'm sticking to it).