20 years together 19 years apart

Steve and I were 19 turning 20 when we met and started dating.  May 11, 2016 will be the 20th anniversary of our first date.

So, does that mean - yeah we will have been together more of our life than we've been apart.  I've heard that statistic before but weirdly I always assumed I'd be a lot older when it happened to us (maybe I just thought this 39 was "a lot older").  AND, more, I always thought I would feel the weight of that statistic... like I would feel like our relationship was done in a way - that the next fifty years or so would just be coasting.

But married 17 years doesn't feel any longer than being married 2 - it's been infinite and it's been a blink -it's both.  It's better! In every way better! And I am more confident in every way in us and Steve and me.  But I don't feel solid as if there's no work to be done, nothing to fear, nowhere to progress.

If anything the things that have fallen away are the feelings of trying to make life fair.  After years of trying to focus less on what I would change about him and more what I would change in myself I think it's finally my natural instinct.  I'm not saying I necessarily do much about it.  But my discontent is much more about myself than him.  And considering how truly sweet and awesome he is, I think that's just fine.



...



I mean, it does still bother me to when he puts his dirty socks in the wrong place, but nevermind... we've got years to figure that out... or maybe I just take away all his socks.