Still Waters...

No, I suppose no one who knows Jack would exactly agree that the saying "Still waters run deep..." would apply to him since he's not a terribly "still"sort of guy.  He's much more the running, jumping, wrestling, turn any room into a battlezone, cuddling sort of guy.  He is PASSIONATE as I keep saying because it's true and sometimes people need to be reminded that in order to have passionate adults,  you can't squash passion in children.  No one in specific is on the receiving end of that statement, just a general reminder to the world.

BUT watching Jack for a day I do not think you would peg him to be the sweetest of all my kids towards babies for example.  Jack LOVES babies.  It's really funny.  And sweet.

Abby is WONDERFUL to babies.  WONDERFUL with babies.  But she loves on them to be helpful almost.  She finds them to be delicate, funny, somebody-to-love sort of creatures. It's a very slight difference.

Jack is delighted by them.

But - adorable though that is, I'm getting slowly around to my point here which is Faith.  Now we all know that everyone's relationship with God is their own.  Unique, special like who they are.  And if you know Abby, you know she's had a pretty beautiful relationship with God since she could talk,  "Momma! Momma! Look a the beautiful world that God created for us!"  - Abby 3yrs. old driving home in the dark from LAX.

I have always guessed that the faith journey would be a little different with the little men.  So it warms my heart whenever I hear something that indicates that either boy has an awareness of God/what place God holds in the world/ in our lives.  But true to my guess, already the boys are a lot more concerned about the specifics - like hold on a second - God is in me? As in in my BODY? WHERE? WHAT'S he DOING in there?

And for my Jack who might deceptively seem unconcerned with the world - belief systems have hit him hard.  I don't remember Abby every being terribly concerned about where she fell in the humanity of faith - if she was 'good' or if she'd done good.  Granted - she only had herself to worry about for quite a long time - no tempting siblings to push or steal muffins from.   But for Jack - the concept of being "bad" and "wrong" is a big deal.

Tonight, I told him strongly he was being rude by screaming about something.  Have your feelings, kiddo, please, but you've got to put some control on them too.   He wasn't that wrong, and I didn't make that big of a deal about it.  But as we're going to bed - when Finn is quiet and so is Jack, Jack tells me he's upset about being rude.  And he can't stay nice, he can only stay rude.  And God made a mistake when he made Jack - by making him mean and wrong.

WHAT?!!!!?

Where is this coming from?  Look, I'm Christian, I'm religious, I'm spiritual.  But I don't tell my kids they are bad.  Heck, I don't even tell them they are BEING bad.  I tell them when they are being rude.  I tell them when something isn't going to work or isn't acceptable.  And I've spent YEARS in the church nursery (Remember neither Jack nor Abby NOR Finn would stay willingly until Fall 2012!).  They do not Bible beat the children.

So I'm making sure Jack sees when he's beautifully lovely - really hears it.  Otherwise my only defense so far is that we'll do our best tomorrow and that if he ever does something rude he just needs to say sorry and it's done.  It's over.

This doesn't have a great beautiful end.  I don't feel great about this.  Just going to have to live through it til I know it's better.