So, for years and years I've been scared to die and leave my adored children - especially young enough to get confused and feel abandoned.
This, even though I have total faith that God and our very warm extended family would take care of them for me; This, even though I am also very sure of the strength of the kids' hearts and wills to get through anything; This, even though some of my favorite people have lost parents in their youth!
But what I realized today is assurance of love and community were the things I was never quite as sure of when I was a kid. These are not things my kids are unsure of. I mean you know, I always felt loved and safe... but whatever, I don't know why I felt the way I did, but I think this is the key because I breathed deep as soon as I figured it out.
It has taken a huge weight off my shoulders. I mean, I will weep with my children in their pain whether I am here on Earth or in Heaven. But, I don't really have any idea what they will each struggle with most individually. There is something about that that takes the control away from my and therefore some of the anxiety.
Which is amazing.
Hey ABBY, JACK, & FINN! I'm talking to you! I ADORE you. I LOVE YOU. And I would never ever choose to abandon you.
So whether I leave you too soon or in as many decades as I can stretch it, you need to go through whatever feelings that you have to. There are no shortcuts. But however you wander come back to Christ and therefore me, ok?
mom
