As I keep saying, I am aware that right now I am living in a Renaissance of my life that is going to be pretty hard to beat. While I still have the basic worries over how my children will succeed in life and wanting everyone to be safe and healthy and well rounded enough to have a chance at the sort of Renaissance I am enjoying; Things are moving along towards those goals pretty smoothly. Which gives way to reflection.
Funnily enough I think I've been surprised by pretty much everything to do with parenting. For someone who's biggest dream as a child was to be a wife and a mother I sure had no idea what I was getting into. LOVE, though expected, still had a way of surprising. As I hope I've documented elsewhere - when I was pregnant with Abby, as attached as I was to the baby moving around in my belly, it was nothing compared to how I immediately loved/adored her when she cried in the nurse's hands. I hadn't seen or touched her - I just heard her. And I loved her. TO infinity.
Funnily enough I think I've been surprised by pretty much everything to do with parenting. For someone who's biggest dream as a child was to be a wife and a mother I sure had no idea what I was getting into. LOVE, though expected, still had a way of surprising. As I hope I've documented elsewhere - when I was pregnant with Abby, as attached as I was to the baby moving around in my belly, it was nothing compared to how I immediately loved/adored her when she cried in the nurse's hands. I hadn't seen or touched her - I just heard her. And I loved her. TO infinity.
Early baby times with Jack were overwhelming with love as well - he adored me. But when I reflect on what being his mom has meant for my growth I think about responsibility and power. He is a bundle of awesome and sometimes it's been my job to show him how to contain it - wield it. That sounds simple and trite, but it has been the toughest part of parenting him. And when I look further back, I felt the same about Abby - this responsibility to help her figure out how to be as awesome as she was, just with a slightly different type of power.
Finn is just another kettle of fish entirely from either of the other two. But the thing that strikes me most is just how easy it is for him to love. He loves me with an easy and absolute affection.
I struggle with how to write about the difference between the kids. I don't yet know exactly what weird things I've messed up in their hearts and so I don't know what they'll be sensitive about.
I anticipate most what Jack will be like as a young man. Before work and marriage and fatherhood humble him too much. He's just such a FORCE to be reckoned with - so loving and upright. I think he'll be just a tad too confident but it will be absolutely charming so no one will mind. I think he'll be hilarious and strong.
I'm most interested to see who Finn will be because, he's just so... fine most of the time. Sure, he errs on the scared side right now, but he's not the kind of kid who's going to be ok with that for long. And unlike how I would assume people change - gradually and with life experience egging them on - NOPE Finn changes cuz he wants to, when he wants to. When he's sick of being scared he'll tell himself not to be and he won't be. I mean. It's just wacky. What will that mean when he's an adult? He'll be unstoppable, like Jack, and yet he won't have quite the same fierceness that Jack will have... What will that look like?!
I'm most emotional about Abby being an adult. She's always been amazing and she always will be. But I don't think she'll change. Talk to her for an hour today? I'll bet you money she'll be just as much of a delight in ten years. She's already so much of herself. Maybe that's why I'm emotional? Because most of the job is already done and, when all was said and done, she did it herself. It's like I showed her how paths work and then she made her own and went running.
Paths. I know they can't be smooth. But I pray for our family's to be long and joined together!
